is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
