She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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