i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't make out with my wife yet
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
