You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
