I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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