I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
