If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
