All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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