so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
