Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
