I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
