The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
