i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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