i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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