And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
