just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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