Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
