Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
