I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
