VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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