WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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