Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
