I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
