It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was like eating out sand paper
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
