I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he fucked my hip out of place.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
