he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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