I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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