Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
