I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
