I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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