shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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