I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
