Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
