I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
