The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
