Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
