...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
