i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
