I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
