apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found the puke drawer
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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