NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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