My sheets look like a crime scene.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
