I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
