just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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