I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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