the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
