i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
