ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
