Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
