i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
