i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
