What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
