I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
