He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
