last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
