I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
