if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
