That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
