last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
