I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
